


How To Be A Heartbreaker

by turntechRavager



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turntechRavager/pseuds/turntechRavager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Floozy wasn't necessarily a word you liked to associate yourself with, no matter how often your dear cousin passed the offhand accusation at you.</p>
<p>Your name is John Egbert, and it's all about having fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rule #1

Floozy wasn't necessarily a word you liked to associate yourself with, no matter how often your dear cousin passed the offhand accusation at you. You know he doesn't mean it, not really, because he knows damned well you never put out on any of your dates, no matter how numerous those dates may be. Just because you had more than a little experience under your belt when it came to sloppy make outs and occasionally getting to second base, be it with guys or girls, didn't mean you were promiscuous. Whenever you hear your cousin talking to his sister on Skype, you're usually their subject of gossip and have listened in on more than one occasion to give your input and shoot down any and all of her assumptions. She seems convinced that your behavior must have come from heart break at a younger age, making you afraid to actually get close to anyone else. But that's ridiculous, you were completely at peace with that incident to the point where it doesn't even matter to you anymore, you barely even remember her. Honest. You like to have fun is all, and you never know what else might be out there so you don't want to tie yourself down to one person. 

Your name is John Egbert and you know you're going to miss this little Washington town and all your hook ups here, but at the same time you're really excited to see what other kinds of people you'll meet in the new town. The move was your dad's idea, he thought that a change of scenery would be good for you and your cousin. Something about growing boys needing to see more of the world before they're let out into it. But you know the real reason, and so does your cousin Jake. A few months ago, your Nana died. Up until then, she'd been living with you, your cousin and your dad in your quaint little four bedroom house. You know it's been harder on your dad than he lets on, especially after the funeral. Nana had wanted to be cremated, but your dad wasn't able to locate her will until after the burial and he felt awful about it. You think you hear a sigh of guilt every time he walks by her room, so it came as no surprise to you when he said he was selling the house and moving you boys down south to get a change of scenery. Neither of you commented on the real reason, you acted excited about the move because honestly, you are. 

You think Jake's a little more excited than you, and that doesn't come as much of a surprise either. It's annoying he hasn't shut the fuck up about it since your dad told you to start packing because you'd be out by the end of the month, but it's understandable. Before high school, Jake had been traveling the world with his sister and your Grandpa and going on all sorts of adventures. You used to always ask him why he decided to come stay with you after your older sister moved out to go stay with your evil great aunt, but he'd always laugh it off and give some sort of bullshit excuse so after a while you just went with it. You both had awesome tastes in movies, him a little less so, so when you didn't have any dates planned for the night it was always fun to hang out with him and fall into a movie coma for the weekend. 

Which is a good thing, because you know you're going to have a lot of those to start off with. Here in Washington, your phone is full of contacts you can hit up anytime for either a quick date or an all nighter. No many how many you go on or how well known your reputation is, everyone's always willing to come back for more. You've got this charm about you that took a couple years and a lot of awkward moments to perfect, but damn if it wasn't worth it in the end. Going to a new town however, that's going to be a whole new experience. You wonder for a moment if you'll have to narrow your targets to just girls, you'd heard rumors about the south that a lot of them don't like that sort of thing. With some minimal debating, you decide that it'll probably be fine either way. You'll figure something out, you always do. And worse comes to worst, Jake makes an excellent wingman when he wants to. It used to drive you crazy, how that bastard can effortlessly turn on such charm without even trying when you had to work for years to perfect yours. It's the accent, you know it's gotta be the accent and that's so unfair. You tried to mimic his accent once and the only thing it got you was him and Jade laughing their asses off for the better part of an hour. Some supporting family they are. 

"John, what the devil fucking dickens are you doing?"

Speak of the devil and his weird as fuck speech and he shall appear. You know you should be getting the last of your bags into the car, but you're a little busy and you don't even look up at Jake. "Making room in my phone, duh."

You can practically hear his eyes roll as he snatches the bag at your feet and slings it over his shoulder. "You can delete your booty calls later, we're going to miss the plane if you don't get your arse into gear."

There's only a few more to go and you could just as easily ignore Jake's complaining and finish them up now, if not for the fact that you can hear your dad outside calling that he's heading out now to get most of the bags checked in and you know for a fact Jake's just enough of a dick to drive off without you. So you give an overly exasperated sigh as you put away your phone and grab the last of your bags, giving one last lingering look to the bare empty space that used to be your room with all the posters on the walls. The house in Texas is bigger, you dad had told you, and it'll be a race to see which of you gets dibs on the master bedroom. The hard clasp on your shoulder that nearly makes you stumble and the laugh that follows makes you really hope you can beat Jake and snag the room for yourself. It's the little things in life you gotta enjoy.

But it's time to stop looking into the past and look on into the future. Texan accents can be pretty hot, you think your senior year of high school might not be so bad. Maybe even better than all the other years, but that bar's raised pretty high. But you've got a contacts list to repopulate, gotta stay optimistic. It's good to have long term goals. After all, it's all about having fun.


	2. Rule #2

A new year at a new school isn't really anything special, but you and Jake still manage to get the title of the New Guys due to the fact that you'd started classes two weeks late. A transition period is what your dad called it, letting the two of you get better acquainted with your home and the surrounding areas. He didn't want you to get lost on your way to school or be in that awkward position where the other kids are talking about the coolest place to be on the weekends and you being totally in the dark.

Jake called it time to lick your wounds, both metaphorically and literally, after he beat the shit out of you when you tried to prank him out of the master bedroom. All in good fun, he said. You were the one who started the fight knowing how your cousin enjoys his fisticuffs, your dad said. Granted, you had been the one to challenge him for the room since he beat you in the race (scaling the drain pipe to get in through a balcony door, who the hell _does that?_ ) but you had fully intended to cheat and defeat didn't even cross your mind. But of course the asshole could beat you in a fight with his eyes closed and covered in cake frosting. You really shouldn't have been as surprised as you were. You love your cousin, you really do, but sometimes he really pisses you off.

It wasn't such a bad outcome in the end, your new room is bigger than your old one anyway so it's not like there was a problem with not having enough space. And to be fair, Jake does need the wallspace more than you do. You've got a few posters you hold dear, but that guy not only covered every bit of wall in his room but even spilled some over into the movie room the two of you had set up. That was another plus to the new house, a LOT more space. Three bedrooms upstairs, two downstairs. The spare room upstairs had become like a second living room specifically set aside for your combined movie collections while the one downstairs was the perfect size for your dad's study. A nice new house that neither of you had spent much time in.

Your dad's asked you on occasion if you wanted your own car, but why would you need one? Jake drives you virtually anywhere you want to go and when you've got a date to impress, he has no problems handing over the keys. Not to mention the bed of that truck is perfect to make out in with how clean he keeps it. Having your own car would take away from the glory that is getting to show off with Jake's, you don't think you'd be able to afford a vehical that large and while some people say size doesn't matter, you ARE in Texas now. Stereo types be damned, you sure as hell saw some people giving the thing appreciative glances when the two of you pulled up for your first day of school. And over the two weeks you've now been attending, those stares barely lessened in number.

You wish you could say that the looks were due to your instantaneous popularity, but even for a guy like you two weeks was kind of pushing the ego a bit. You've managed to snag a few numbers off the bat, pretty girls who'd fall right for a cute smile and a bit of flirting, so it's not a total loss. Though you've only managed to get about three dates so far, it's definitely off to a good start. You just wish that half of the girls who approach you hadn't had the intentions of asking you to introduce them to Jake or to give him their numbers. You didn't take those numbers for yourself even though you very well could have, especially since Jake always tosses the paper into the trash without a second thought. If they weren't meant for you, then it would be rude to call them up and try to go for them. You're pretty sure that Jake has a stalker already, despite the fact that he tells you that's ridiculous and you're reading too much into it. But you always see that guy watching him, always catch a glimpse of stupid pointed anime shades whenever the two of you are hanging out before or after school, and sometimes even in the lunch room. You've asked Jake a few times who the hell that is, but he just shrugs it off saying it's a guy from a couple of his classes. Says the guy's kind of weird, but not a bad fellow. You don't buy that shit for an instant, you've got your eye on that guy and will kill him if he tries some crazy shit like throwing Jake in a trunk and tying him up in some weird fetish basement somewhere. You're pretty sure there's a movie about that somewhere out there and should really get Jake to watch it with you. Just as a subtle warning what he should be on the lookout for.

But that's a plan for another day, because you've got something else up your sleeve. It's Friday and you don't even have any dates planned yet. You can't go to the girl's you already have because too many dates in a short period of time and they'll start getting the wrong idea, so you've got to pull out your ace to try and get fresh meat fast. It's a simple plan that's never failed, you're confident you'll be heading home with a new number and plans in no time. You've got some time to kill after school since Jake landed himself in detention for fighting in gym class, and that's perfect.

The music room is your target, and since your choir teacher already loves you it's no problem at all to get in after everyone's already left, even being trusted to lock up once your done. All joking and plotting aside, you'd just about died happy when you saw that the school had a baby grand piano tucked away in the back. That first day it had taken every bit of your will power to stop yourself from sneaking over and just petting it for the whole duration of the class. You take a seat on the bench and that first touch to those sweet ivories is careful and delicate, a small smile already coming to your face as you get comfortable and start with a basic staff. You made sure to leave the music room door open just enough to catch someone's attention, your smile growing as you close your eyes and begin to play a song you may have learned by heart just for occasions like this. But the beautiful sounds from the piano alone aren't enough, and when the time is right it's almost instinct as your voice joins in with the lyrics.

" _When you feel all alone_  
 _And the world has turned its back on you_  
 _Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart_  
 _I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you_  
 _It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold_  
 _When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore_

 _Let me be the one you call_  
 _If you jump I'll break your fall_  
 _Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_  
 _If you need to fall apart_  
 _I can mend a broken heart_  
 _If you need to crash then crash and burn_  
 _You're not alone_ "

You don't open your eyes even when you hear the distinct creek of the door as someone slips into the room, that would be giving it away too soon. You want to keep up the illusion that you're totally unaware of your surroundings, that there's nothing but you and your music and that was the intention. It's not entirely untrue at least, you've been known to get lost on occasion but you're a man on a mission and continue on without missing a beat.

" _When you feel all alone_  
 _And a loyal friend is hard to find_  
 _You're caught in a one way street_  
 _With the monsters in your head_  
 _When hopes and dreams are far away and_  
 _You feel like you can't face the day_

 _Let me be the one you call_  
 _If you jump I'll break your fall_  
 _Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_  
 _If you need to fall apart_  
 _I can mend a broken heart_  
 _If you need to crash then crash and burn_  
 _You're not alone_ "

The sound of the door shutting should be discouraging, if not for the fact that shortly after you can hear a chair being pulled up somewhere close by. Whoever it is clearly likes your music enough to want to keep it all to themselves, which you hope means your plan is a resounding success. As if you had any doubts in the first place. Better not disappoint them.

" _'Cause there has always been heartache and pain_  
 _And when it's over you'll breathe again_  
 _You'll breath again_

_When you feel all alone_  
 _And the world has turned its back on you_  
 _Give me a moment please_  
 _To tame your wild wild heart_

_Let me be the one you call_  
 _If you jump I'll break your fall_  
 _Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_  
 _If you need to fall apart_  
 _I can mend a broken heart_  
 _If you need to crash then crash and burn_  
 _You're not alone_ "

As you sing and play the last notes of the song, a small sigh escapes to match the grin you've got on. Not only for a plan well executed but also because you honestly enjoy playing and knowing that someone else enjoys it as well. You love having people listen to you when you play, and you wonder if that's more of you being a bit of an attention whore. Jake thinks it is, but Jake's dumb and his opinion is invalid.

"Not bad dude, A-. The A for your talent and the minus because wow, could you have possibly picked a sappier song to sing when you're in here by yourself? It could only be worse if you were jamming out to BSB or some other stereotypical pop bullshit, but then again the irony in that could bring you up to a plus."

Your small jump of surprise isn't just for show, but mostly for the fact that you honestly hadn't expected it to be a guy watching you like that. But when you turn to look at your prey, suddenly you're not as confident as you were before that this was a flawlessly executed plan. You've seen him around here and there, pretty sure he hangs out with Jake's stalker and that alone is enough to get you a little suspicious. But this is your game, and you won't think too much on it. You flash an almost sheepish grin, scratching at the back of your neck with a laugh.

"Thanks, I think? You've got a weird as fuck way about complimenting people, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. I just come in here now and then to let off some steam, and what's more calming than Savage Garden?" Classical music is, but that's no way to pick up chicks. Or guys, as this case may be. As you really hope it may be, because from watching Jake's stalker you've seen that this guy can run his mouth for the entire hour of lunch and if that's something you have to deal with, having an effective way of shutting him the fuck up would be a bonus.

"Hey, don't take a compliment from me lightly man, I don't just toss them out to everyone. It's not Dave's bargains, every asshole gets a compliment shoved up their ass for free just out of the courteous of my own heart and some asspats to go with it just to make some worthless guys feel better about their sad and pathetic lives. Nope, most people are doomed to wander endlessly without ever knowing the fucking honor it is to be graced by my words of praise, parched like a swimmer in a desert as they sob to themselves because without it there's a massive hole in their hearts, a black hole that consumes all happiness and self esteem, all hopes that-"

Wow, holy fucking shit, what? Yeah, you kind of just tune him out after that. Instead of listening to his inane babbling, you take the time to turn on the bench to get a better look at him. Might as well check out the catch. He's pretty hot, even cute in a certain way. The way his hair's styled makes him look like a douche and those shades sure as fuck aren't helping his case either. He definitely looks like he could use a tan, and maybe a burger or two cause wow, he's lanky as fuck and those tight pants do nothing for him. Well, except make his ass look good but as he's sitting down you only have a vague assumption of if said ass is complimented by the jeans or if there is no ass to speak of. From what you can see you assume it's nice, you'll have to check when he decides to leave the room. He's still talking, and god damn you were right about needing a way to shut him up. But it won't put you off, you've managed to overcome worse and it would be nice to have a guy's number in your phone, especially if you can get the chance to put that mouth to better use.

"-you wanna go out for a movie on Saturday night?"

Wait, what? You blink and are honestly caught off guard because what the fuck just happened, what did you tune back into? Isn't that supposed to be your line? "...What?"

The guy smirks like an asshole, as if he knows you weren't really paying attention and you guess it was kind of obvious that you weren't. "I said the name's Dave Strider, you're new around here so I figured I'd grace you with my presence in exchange for letting me hear that awesome song of yours. Plus my ulterior motive of getting you back to my place and stealing your voice for a mixed track project I'm working on. If I'm gonna try to get you to whore your voice out I may as well treat it to a movie before hand. You just get to come along for the ride."

Is this guy for fucking real? Well, things aren't going exactly as planned after all but you think you're okay with this. You can't help but laugh at the stupid way he puts it and yeah, definitely more cute than hot, this guy is such a dork. And you thought you were bad at times. "I'm John Egbert and sure, I don't have any plans for the weekend so it's a date."

You pull your phone out and bring up the contacts, handing it over to him so he can put his number in. You were careful choosing your words, making sure there's absolutely no misunderstandings and that this is indeed counting as a date and not just a couple of guys hanging out at a movie theater. Half of you is prepared for it to get weird just in case that's not his intention, but he just gives a nod as he takes your phone and starts putting his number in and checking for yours.

"Cool. I'll text you tomorrow with where to meet."

Not exactly as you had planned, but it sure as fuck went smoothly enough. You don't see anything wrong with this, it's not like you could get attached to this kind of guy anyway.


	3. Extra #1

You are now James Egbert, and you feel awful lying to your boys. While you're aware that you could easily tell them the truth and have them understand, you don't want them to worry over you. They're two strapping boys who are growing into fine young men, situating themselves in a new environment and the last thing they need is concern themselves with the problems of their old man. True, Jake may not be your son but as far as you're concerned he's counts as such. It was bad enough they knew of your guilt over your mother's burial, knew why you wanted to move in the first place. If they found out that you'd lied to them about your job transferring you to another branch they'd become concerned once again. As far as they know, you're settled down into your new office building and go to work every morning like before and come home in the evening. With a new house in a new city, you're forgetting about the past and moving on. 

Every single bit of that is a lie, and on most days you feel at least a tinge of guilt over it. Your mother's inheritance was a fair sum of money, not only what was left to you but also enough to be put into all four of the kids' college funds. You used it to pay for the new house and still have more than enough to live comfortably without your own income for a while. You feel bad for taking advantage of that, thinking you should save it up and put it with the rest of John's future funds, but you know she would rather you take it easy than overworking yourself to stress. Instead of going to work, you spend most of the morning walking through a park on the other side of town, smoking your pipe and thinking of both the past and the future. Afternoons are spent in a nice coffee shop reading the newspaper and evenings are at a dimly lit bar with a single glass of scotch. 

It wasn't a new environment you needed, but a comfortable familiar one that didn't hold any disheartening memories of the past. Neither of your boys are aware that you grew up in this town, that you know the back roads by heart and specifically choose places you know they would never wander after school. You had a lot of fun here as a kid, a lot of mischief. You think it was that fondness of the past that brought you back here, to have sweet memories to look back on instead of ones that only filled you with guilt. You're glad that neither of your boys give you quite as much trouble as you gave your mother, feeling like it's a blessing and wondering what you did to deserve such perfect angels. 

Lord knows a boy running around at night playing in gambling rings in unsavory parts of town would be enough to give any parent worries and doubts. You loved your mother even more for telling your boys what an upstanding gentleman you were as a young man, no matter how unsure of the fact you yourself were. As far as they know, you've always been the way you are now. The model member of society as a perfect father, perfect gentleman with a boring office job that you're more than happy to return to each day. You think it's for the best they continue to believe that.

It's a Saturday evening just like any other since you arrived back in this town. You're sitting at the bar in your favorite jazz club, tucked away at the end where no one bothers you so you can listen to the music and sip at your scotch in peace. But unlike every other night where you spend it contemplating and relaxing, this time it's different. You know it will be the moment you feel someone take the stool right next to you, most people are considerate enough to know when someone would prefer to be left alone. Most people don't wear sunglasses inside a dark club either. They don't take a seat and then remain quiet, rudely staring at the person next to them without a single care that the smoke from their cigarette is drifting their way. It's been around twenty years, but even after all that time you know that this man isn't most people.

"You haven't changed at all, Derrick." You don't look up from your glass as you speak, merely take a bit of a longer drink with a hint of a smile to your voice. You hear a gruff snort of amusement next to you, and as you set the glass back on the bartop you finally turn to glance at the man that's been staring you down for the better part of fifteen minutes. The same hat, same ridiculous charming sunglasses and unreadable expression. 

"Have you?" His tone implies he already knows the answer, but you're honestly not as sure as you'd think you would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist tossing this in as an add-on. Inspiration credit for this chapter goes to [this](http://faun-songs.tumblr.com/post/42697123144/we-once-made-a-promise-seems-like-just-one-of-us) lovely post.


	4. A stranger, a player

Who the hell is John Egbert? Until a couple days ago, you had no fucking clue. It's not your job to keep tabs on all the new kids that come and go in this school, why would it be? It's a big place and who cares if someone's new or if someone moves away, it doesn't concern you. Never has before now, at least. Your name is Dave Strider, and you're pretty happy with your small group of friends that's built up around you and your twin brother. The two of you were basically the gods of this school and you knew it, flaunting your air of ultimate cool and irony while watching everyone else bask in it and wish they could be half as awesome as you. 

Okay, so maybe a part of that is pure bullshit but whatever. The point of the matter here is that if it weren't for your bro having some weird fetish you still wouldn't know who this John Egbert kid is. When Dirk first approached you about it, you knew something was up. The two of you have always had this unspoken rule between you. Despite sharing a room, one would never go to the others' side unless absolutely fucking necessary. So when you had been minding your own business, laying on your bed and working on some doodles, you'd immediately grown suspicious when your twin sprawled out next to you and asked what you were doing. 

Your suspicions were confirmed when you discovered that he'd taken an interest in a guy that transferred in a couple weeks ago, some weirdo with an accent and way too much fucking energy to be healthy. You guess he had a nice ass, but even a sweet rump has never been enough to catch your bro's attention so part of you wondered just what the hell was it about this guy. Unfortunately though, this Jake English was totally dense with the ability to let any and all advances go flying over his head without a second glance. Dirk had tried being subtle and the guy just didn't get the hint, and it amused you to no end that despite your bro's many efforts, he couldn't even get a phone number out of this guy.

You told him it sounded like a hopeless case. He told you that he had assumed as much as well, until he discovered an interesting little fact. Jake apparently had a cousin in the same grade that had transferred in at the same time. One who, according to the best gossip sources in the school known as the Lalondes, was a total flirt who would try and pick up the numbers of any girl who'd fall for a smile and a few sweet words. Which apparently had worked wonders on Roxy who'd already been on a date with the guy, said he drove the truck that they show up in in the mornings which indicates that they probably live together. The ploy was simple enough. Get to John, get to know him well enough to be invited over to his house, and then get to the point where you could bring Dirk along with you so he gets a chance to see the elusive Jake English in his natural habitat. 

All in all, you thought the plan was fucking stupid, cliche and there was no way it was going to work. Dirk said it wasn't stupid, it was ironic. And the next day after school, while Dirk was in detention that you're pretty fucking positive he got on purpose in sixth period after hearing Jake got it in fourth, you had to track down the target and see what you could do. What you hadn't been expecting was for the guy to have a voice to fucking die for and a talent you really wanted to throw into your mixes. You may only be working as a secret wingman, but you've definitely got a toner for this guy already. Getting his number was surprisingly easy, which only fueled your suspicions that the little shit was totally doing that song with the door open on purpose. Not bad technique, if lame as fuck. 

So here you are on a late Saturday afternoon, getting ready for a date while Dirk lectures you not to fuck this up because it'll ruin his chances with the dude with the booty shorts and the hot accent. You ask him how the fuck he knows the guy has booty shorts and he starts talking about Lara Croft. Suddenly you really don't want to know, that's not a mental image you need. You'd sent Egbert a text a couple hours earlier telling him you'd pick him up at five, but you now face a problem.

"Where's Bro?"

Dirk shrugs, no longer interested in you since he's gotten his point across. He doesn't even look up from his pony show as he replies. "He said something about hearing a rumor that a guy he used to know as a kid was back in town, so he went to go check it out. No idea when he's getting back."

Fuck. You were really hoping you could use his car to pick up Egbert, because your only other option was-"Why don't you just take the bike?"

That. Dammit, you didn't want to waste your baby's gas any more than you already have this week, but it looks like you don't have much of a choice. You'll have to do a few more favors for Bro if you want more gas money, or sell some tracks online. Both look pretty grim, but you'll worry about that later. For now you just make sure you've got your wallet and your keys, give your bro a fist bump and a promise not to fuck it up and head out the door. Time to go on what's more or less a blind fucking date with some supposed player. Goodie. Dirk so fucking owes you for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I'm making up for taking so long to get the second chapter out. Comments and suggestions are always welcomed and loved <3


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